Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, 'Look, it's always gonna be me!'

Personal ads are dangerous. You have to separate the ones who are lying from the ones who are hallucinating.

The old theory was "Marry an older man, because they're more mature." But the new theory is: "Men don't mature. Marry a younger one."

To attract men I wear a perfume called "new car interior."

To me, life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. (on motherhood)

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet -- so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.