A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

A ready way to lose your friend is to lend him money. Another equally ready way to lose him is to refuse to lend him money. It is six of one and a half dozen of the other.

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.

I drink to make other people interesting.

In the theatre, a hero is one who believes that all women are ladies, a villain one who believes that all ladies are women.

It is also said of me that I now and then contradict myself. Yes, I improve wonderfully as time goes on.

Love demands infinitely less than friendship.

Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.

Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in the brewery.