Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

In debating the respective merits of dogs and cats, not having to walk a cat when it's 20 below zero deserves consideration.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

The reason people blame things on the previous generations is that there's only one other choice.

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.