Adversity draws men together and produces beauty and harmony in life's relationships, just as the cold of winter produces ice-flowers on the window-panes, which vanish with the warmth.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: French-fried potatoes are out.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want -- an adorable pancreas?

Life with Mary was like being in a telephone booth with an open umbrella -- no matter which way you turned, you got it in the eye.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is the assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself -- like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.