Garrison Keillor Quotations

Garrison Keillor

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.

Brilliance is like four-wheel drive; it enables a person to get stuck in even more remote places.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

God has a great sense of humor; he's just working with a slow audience.

He didn't run for reelection. "Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."

One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.

People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people.

People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, 'Where are you from?' doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know?

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Time catches up suddenly to us all. One day you're young and brilliant and sullen to your elders, and the next you're getting junk mail from the American Association of Retired Persons and people your very own age are talking about pension plans and the prostate.