A really busy person never knows how much he weighs.

A woman who can't forgive should never have more than a nodding acquaintance with a man.

Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to have an early start.

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.

Financial sense is knowing that certain men will promise to do certain things, and fail.

I express many absurd opinions, but I am not the first man to do it; American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.

If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

If a man has money, it is usually a sign, too, that he knows how to take care of it; don't imagine his money is easy to get simply because he has plenty of it.

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market.

No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.

One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.

The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship.

The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.

There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night's sleep.

There is only one thing to do for a man who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.

There may be some doubt about hell beyond the grave but there is no doubt about there being one on this side of it.

To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.

We should not expect something for nothing but we all do, and we call it hope.

When a man has no reason to trust himself, he trusts in luck.

When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.

You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with him.

You needn't love your enemy, but if you refrain from telling lies about him, you are doing well enough.