And remember, this fix is only temporary, unless it works.

A screw is just a nail with a thread.

Don't you just hate it when you come home from a hard day at the track and your wife hasn't shoveled the driveway?

If repetition wasn't a good thing, why would people get married?

It doesn't take long for men to make a decision. It's making a decision look smart that takes the time.

Looking back over the years I notice how the phrase "getting lucky" has changed its meaning. When I was a little boy, "getting lucky" meant retrieving my dog from the neighbor's patio party. After puberty, it took on a whole new implication. The teen years are in fact the golden era of getting lucky. Next "getting lucky" referred to my first successful job application, then being approved for a mortgage, then surviving that tax audit and then avoiding the axe during the company downsizing. Nowadays "getting lucky" means the medical test came back negative.

Once in a while you read about someone with an exotic pet like a ferret or a rhino or something, but to a woman an exotic pet might be a strange kind of cat. You know orange eyes, no fur, ears like Mr. Spock, but the kind of exotic pets that appeal to men, well basically, tigers, falcons, cobras these animals are living weapons. You don't go play fetch in the park with these babies. You don't dress them up in little outfits. You don't let them sit in your lap while you watch Rescue 911, unless, you want to be on it.

There's a general feeling among the guys that anybody who has a lot of knowledge, education, or accurate information is probably boring. We prefer to go on gut feeling. Not that we have a lot of guts, but most of us have a lot of gut. Now don't confuse this with woman's intuition, 'cause with men it's different. Women's intuition is usually right, but I'll tell ya, men get a lot more fun out of a good hunch then they do out of a solid fact.

There's only two things that excite a man, expensive toys and real expensive toys.

Thinking is usually a good thing. It can save you from physical harm and psychological damage. But thinking at the wrong time can also create a lot of problems. Here's a short list of times when it's better not to think: When you're being rolled in for surgery. When you're being disciplined by a loved one. When you're watching an approaching hockey puck. When you're undergoing a tax audit. When you're at a wrestling match. When you're getting directions. When you're assembling an explosive device. When you're spouse is telling you what to wear. When you're asked for an opinion. When you're at a board meeting. When you're feeling smart.

To me, cheating just means you care about winning.

VEGETARIAN: That's an old Indian word meaning "I don't hunt so good."

You want to make it two inches -- or, if you're working in centimeters, make sure it's enough centimeters for two inches.