Scott Adams (And his alter-egos) Quotations

Scott Adams

"But eventually you'll solve my problem, right?"
"Sure, if your problem is too much optimism." in Dogbert's Tech Support

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Every now and then a slow-witted carnivore will engage me in a philosophical debate on the question of whether humans are meant to eat meat. I point out that a live cow makes a lion salivate, whereas a human just wants to say "moo" and see if the cow responds.

Have you ever noticed that crazy people don't think they're crazy? I'm talking about the run-of-the-mill wackos who populate your day. They think they're "quirky" or "high-maintenance" or "perfectionists," but they rarely realize they are nuts.

I found some numbers that support your strategic plan. I had to take the square root of a negative number to do it. The timeline is on this mobius strip.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a UNIX user to show you how it's done.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. (In Dilbert)

The more I watch television, the more I wonder why I'm not already Supreme ruler of Earth. (Dogbert)

You citizens only have the right to pursue happiness -- you're not allowed to be happy. in Dilbert

You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say it's a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.