Mr. Cranky Quotations

Mr. Cranky

After this movie is over, you'll know what muscles you use to cringe, because they'll be sore by the time the final credits roll. (re: First Daughter)

Bush should try that at the next press briefing: "Bombing hapless third-world nations for profit is just part of our culture, and I'd like the U.N. to be a bit more sensitive to that."

Kangaroo Jack himself is a digitally animated freak-of-technology who, as he vamps for the camera and makes ostensibly kangaroo-like cooing noises, bears an uncanny resemblance to Jar Jar Binks. It's like Jar Jar Binks got his own movie. Imagine Star Wars with no space ships, no gun fights, no rebels, no Empire, no story, no characters and no future -- just Jar Jar Binks alone in the Australian outback, with you. Count to 60 seconds, then count to 60 seconds 89 more times. Maybe this is bottom.

I'm really sick of movies making BLATANT scientific errors as if they really don't know any better and just don't give a damn, which is true, but I have this strange persistent fantasy where $100 of that $50 million budget goes to a science consultant to fix the dumbest factual & logical & scientific errors, and another $50 to a 12 year old child to spot the gaping plot holes, and the resulting movie is both enjoyable and not intellectually insulting.
-- Xur, From the Mr. Cranky Web Site

Let's face facts: J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" books are responsible for more loser circle jerks than Playboy, "Baywatch" and Linux combined. As most people know, the series was the inspiration for the game Dungeons and Dragons, which inspired misfits worldwide to walk around with little felt bags of twenty-sided dice, discussing their imaginary lives as ax-wielding dwarves to anybody who would listen.

Most bad movies eventually provide some relief by ending, but "Alexander" stubbornly refuses to give up the ghost.

Nothing discredits a liberal cause like an actual liberal.

Wrestling is one of the very few spectator events where the IQs of the fans are lower than the IQs of the participants, and that isn't saying a lot.

You know the format: KWUS 97.3, "the Wuss," with Sweater and Vest in the morning and a playlist full of soulful ballads sung by overly sincere white guys.

Click on the logo to go to his web site and be prepared to be offended, amused, disgusted and educated.